Last week, Broughton lost its* status as an IB school. For those of you who don’t know, IB stands for International Baccalaureate which basically means teaching poor kids about places in the world they’ll never be able to afford to go to. I never knew what “IB” meant. I always thought someone had just gotten lazy and forgotten to put the “T” in between “I” and “B”. A brief description about the IB program:

The Diploma Programme prepares students for university and encourages them to:
• ask challenging questions
• learn how to learn
• develop a strong sense of their own identity and culture
• develop the ability to communicate with and understand people from other countries and cultures.

First, only Europeans call it “university”. We call it college for a reason, yelling out “Cooollllleeeeggeee” after your friend does a three minute keg stand or after taking a bunch of bombs at the bar is so much more badass than yelling out “Univverrsiittyyy”.

Asking questions and “learning how to learn” are so overrated; BHS students are supposed to accept everything they hear from people who are older than them and worry about more important things like beating Xbox 360 games and spending their parents’ money at Crowley’s.

Broughton students don’t need an IB program to develop a sense of identity and culture, their identities should be directly linked to their material possessions, which are always more expensive than those of the poor IB kids who get bused in from OTB.

Developing the ability to communicate and understand people from other countries and cultures is a complete waste of time.

Apparently, some students are upset that the IB program is being removed.

“It’s not only given us a better way to learn, a better curriculum, but it has taught us to speak out. When we are faced with this issue, we are not being disrespectful. We are not being a mean group of students. We’re trying to say what we believe in, what we think is right, and what we know is better for us as students,” Broughton student Forrest said.

Forrest, Forrest, Forrest, what the hell are you doing? Where did you learn how to be such a vocal leader? Possibly on that Outward Bound trip you went on last summer? Why is this guy so worried about his education? It seems to me that the IB program is designed to teach students how to protest (bitch and moan) about what they believe in (shit they know nothing about because they’re 16 years old). The IB program is just creating the next generation of smug hippie activists who hold rallies and parades for worthless things like peace, equal rights, “helpless” animals, and the environment.

The IB program strives to achieve diversity by busing in students from places like Knightdale so these students can get a “better” education. This prevents ITB kids, who don’t give a shit about all of these “important issues”, from attending Broughton. I’m all for these commoners getting a good education, somebody’s got to start getting my orders right at the drive-thru. How hard is it to not put an effing pickle on my Chick-Fil-A chicken sandwich? They don’t need to learn how to say “NO pickle” in five different languages; they just need to make sure they understand how to follow my instructions when I’m ordering. You don’t have to take a kid from Knightdale to Broughton to give him a better education. You simply have to take that kid away from his family so he’ll stop having relations with his sister.

We can see how successful this program really is from the following interaction between a reporter and a student walking near the protest:

Reporter: “You were bussed in from a shitty neighborhood so that you could learn more from the IB program. You must be very upset. What do you hope to accomplish at this protest?”
Student: “Protest?”
Reporter: “Yes, to save the IB program…”
Student: “IB?………I be tryin’ to catch the bus back to Zebulon, ‘fore it gets too dark fer squirrel huntin’. Why you be here?”

If that isn’t enough evidence, I paid off a member of the school board for the information below. I was told the board used this in making their decision to drop the IB program. 

This chart shows the impact of the IB program on ITB kids as well as IB kids. It measures how much the students care about the world around them as they become more involved in the IB program. The X axis represents time, while the Y axis represents “a shit”, where zero is equal to “I don’t give a shit” and 100 is equal to “I care so much about the world, let’s go save some whales”. As you can see, ITB kids rarely, if ever, give a shit about the world around them, despite being forced deeper into the IB program. In fact, you can see that towards the end of the program, ITB kids actually began to feel negatively about the worldly information they were being forced to learn. The IB kids, on the other hand, start to care more and more about the world as they experience the wonders of the IB program (a normal high school education). While pro-IB teachers attempt to directly link the IB students’ interest in the rest of the world to the effectiveness of the program, others are certain that these IB students are being influenced by external factors. As the heathens become accustomed to their inside the beltline surroundings, they learn more about things we normally take for granted, such as indoor plumbing and the “magic light box wif tiny people inside dat tell me ‘bout what’s goin on in tha world” as one IB student so eloquently put it, referring to the closed circuit television program the students watch for ten minutes each day. Pro-IB teachers often mistake the IB students’ excitement for electricity, roofs, and running water as a sign that they are interested in learning about other cultures, customs, and religions. As the graph clearly states, if you let a kid from Zebulon inside the beltline for too long, they’ll eventually begin to have informed opinions, which is the last thing we need.

I also don’t get why these kids want to do more work. Your education is only as good as the amount you paid to get it. More work just means ITB parents have to pay for more tutors who will do their children’s homework for them. My younger siblings can’t wait for all of these hard-working IB kids to leave, our housekeeper is getting sick of doing their foreign language homework.

The following are some comments on the loss of the IB program.

“Americans need to perform better and be more challenged. This program does that for the students, and we got rid of it – that makes no economical sense,” parent Lylla Childress said.

Gordon Gekko here chimed in to try to talk about “economical sense.” Since when did economics matter to residents inside the beltline?

“Broughton will again survive this change, and it will emerge with a better, intact school system,” magnet opponent Bart White told board members. “I ask you to keep the traditional base (enrollment), which if left alone, will keep Broughton a strong school.”

Way to put it in perspective Bart. Keep the base enrollment and screw all those outsiders for trying to get a good education.

“As a student at Broughton Highschool, and a member of the IB diploma program, I am appalled by the School Board’s decision. I had the ability to actually go to the board meeting (NOT skipping school like WRAL said) and witness the ignorance and incompetency of our school board. ….. Bev Clark said “our number one priority is not academic success”. Oh, I’m sorry, I thought i went to school to gain educational and academic achievement. I guess I was wrong.”

I guess you were wrong, jackass. Everyone knows you go to high school to practice and prepare for living the college lifestyle. If you aren’t skipping at least a third of your classes and hotboxing your SUV by junior year of high school, how are you going to be ready for the rigors of waking up still drunk from the night before and making it to your 1:00pm class in college?

“Let me tell you all what this is really about…the rich ITB crowd realized that keeping the IB meant some of their kids might not get to go to ITB heaven that is Broughton…so they wanted the IB moved to keep more kids who are not rich ITB’ers from attending, and therefore taking the place that rightfully belongs to Buffy and Chester…Bottomline…”

Does anyone inside the beltline know anyone named “Buffy”? Anyone?

“The fight is not over.” One student said after the vote.

Yes it is. You’re 15 years old, you don’t matter.

It will take five years to phase out the IB program. All of you kids that are bitching and moaning about it aren’t even going to be affected by this “loss”. Why do you care about the well being of those that attend BHS after you’ve graduated? I’m glad they got rid of this unsuccessful program. Now we can go back to the good ol’ days of students loading up on AP courses and cheating their way through them so colleges would be impressed with their GPA, even though their family bought their way into college. It’s good to see BHS lose this “status”. Hopefully, they’ll drop the community service requirements next. The last thing we need is another group of kids thinking they can actually make a difference in the world. Thank God Felson’s doesn’t have an IB program.

*Thanks to the anonymous commenter for pointing out my mistake. I hope you’re earning a lot from reading shitty blogs on the internet and checking them for grammar errors. If not, maybe you can get a job teaching poor kids how to spell at the WELL/YMCA/Public Library. My parents just paid private tutors to do my work for me, so I sincerely apologize for any grammar errors that you find on this blog. Feel free to e-mail me at raleighitb@gmail.com if you’d like to edit the posts before I put them up.