Some friends of mine have been talking about an upcoming event called the “Triangle Beach Music Festival”, also known as “TBMF”. After some investigating, I’ve decided that I will not be attending this commoner infested event. From looking at the pictures online, this event, and the crowd that it attracts, are below me in so many ways.
The Band of Oz – “Formed in 1967 as a part-time band playing fraternity parties and high school proms all over the South.”
It’s been over 40 years and these guys haven’t hit it big yet. What makes them think that TBMF is going to be their “big break”?
Craig Woolard Band – “Craig spent twenty-seven years singing with The Embers. Craig was voted class President at Washington High and went on to attend Duke University. His dad, was an attorney, and had high hopes of Craig following in his footsteps – that didn’t happen. Craig was destined to be an entertainer.”
General Norman Johnson (RIP) and The Chairmen of the Board – “In the spring of 1966 in Raleigh, North Carolina, as lead singer of the Showmen, I performed before my first Beach Music audience.”
General Johnson was a legend. I’m pretty sure he played at a Broughton Prom, Queen of Hearts, or an ITB Deb Ball at one point in his career. He’s the only reason I would have gone to this. Since he’s no longer with us, there is literally not a single reason I would ever attend this event.
Spare Change – they don’t even deserve a picture
An appropriate name for this band, as they will most likely be homeless within the next 4 months. They should probably go ahead and add a “?” to the end of their name so they can get used to asking rich people for money.
I also noticed this warning on their website “NO OVERNIGHT CAMPING IS PERMITTED AT THE EVENT!!!”. This warning obviously means someone has tried to camp at TBMF before. Why am I not surprised? With a ban on camping in place, I assume these mouth breathers drunkenly stumble to the closest Days Inn to continue partying for the low low price of $29 a night. I’d rather spend an hour at Tool Pigeons (yeah, I said it) than spend a day in Garner surrounded by a bunch of 50 year old commoner sexual predators. I can only handle one 40-year old pervert bartender hitting on hot girls at a time and that’s why I go to Foster’s. I won’t be attending this event for the above stated reasons, see ya at Foster’s.
unreal. the “hits” keep comin. just like we are in 1967 in myrtle beach. even less itb than garner. take a pass
i mean seriously people, the only place to drink beer out of a cooler is when you are on your boat. TBMF is for poor people who do not have a boat and can not go to the beach to hear music. and why do most of the people at the festival wear bathing suites? there is no ocean or pool or anywhere to swim. keep your fat ass pale skin inside your shirt…. oh wait , it is in garner… i guess that attire is allowed. get-r-done.
Excuse me sir, could you please pass the Grey Poupon?
wow guy, just want to say i’m not a fan of any of the bands u bashed in your beach blog, however, i feel sorry for the fact that, not only do you have nothing better to do w/ your time, but you are the definition of a hater. You must not have ANTHING positive going on in your life to be so thorough w/ your bashing of people that are happy making a career out of doing something they love. awesome brother, good luck w/ the everything. just an idea, go find something you like to do (bonus points awarded if others are affected by it in a positive way) and spend your time and energy doing something positive instead of hating on things you dont dig. baaaahhhbyyyy
^^^^^^ Why is Walt Disney posting on ITB? Go spill your happy thoughts elsewhere, I never knew you were such a commoner.
-JED
Will –
Another spot on commentary. A Garner post was long overdue. These OTB peasant serfs have been staining for years. We used to throw ITB BHS keggers at an abandoned park in Garner. Future parties were quickly abandoned when Garner High schwags started showing up in their Ford Taurus’s and jean shorts. Served us right for leaving ITB, I guess. The only time I want to see these clowns ITB is when my SUV is being towed or when my furniture is being moved. I could also make an exception to meet their city (if you can call that redneck speedbump on the way to my beach house a city) officials at my lawyer’s office to sign papers for me to annex Garner. I might need storage for my extra shit.
Samoht Tnemed
Q.) What’s the difference between Nelson’s and the beach music festival
A.) One of the two has made enough profit to last longer than two years and not have to change their menu prices to those of chili’s or applebees because no one was eating there
-Assets>Liabilites
Fosters returns Thursday May 8. Barricade the Beltline
I love the Hate Dojo that is N/FBITB… thanks for another classic post William.
Shagging should only be done in my bed or my 42 food Jarrett Bay… pretty sure only one of the above belongs ITB – therefore I also veto TBMF
Keep the posts coming
I don’t live in Raleigh anymore…..But I’m far from a ‘commoner’, I just stayed at the MGM grand in terrace suite for 5 nights for the ACMs and via private jet back home… Another day at the office.. And just spent $423 on a plane ticket to nc just to continue the tradition and attend TBMF… wouldn’t miss it… For each his own..I don’t personally give a shit for beach music…but it is one damn good time!
I thought the Carolina Cup was the Kentucky Derby for commoners?