Some people will do anything to align themselves with greatness, even if it means blatantly lying about who they really are. A few months ago I got an e-mail from the Beltline Brew Tours company, which is a company that runs private tours that travel to breweries across the Triangle. However, the majority of the breweries on the “Beltline Brew Tours” aren’t even inside the beltline, or even in Raleigh. I won’t stand for outsiders exploiting the iconic beltline to increase their business. But if they’re going to do it, I’m going to try to cash in as well. I got a second email from them last week, so I finally took action and contacted them.
From: William Needham Finley IV
Date: Thu, Aug 4, 2011 at 11:42 AM
Subject: Advertising on ITB Insider
Dear Beltline Brew Tours,
Somehow I ended up on your mailing list. I’m pretty sure I didn’t sign up for it, because I have never heard of you before now. I have yet to attend one of your “Beltline Brew Tours”. How many of the tours are for breweries located inside the beltline? It’s misleading to claim that you are taking me on a beltline brew tour, when you’re actually planning to take me to a brewery in Durham for three hours. That’s considered kidnapping in most states. If you don’t plan on doing tours exclusively inside the beltline, I suggest you change your name to “OTB Brew Tours” or “Outside the Beltline Brew Tours” or just “Poor Brew Tours” because those are all synonymous with each other.
I own ITBInsider.com, which is the most popular website for socialites living in Raleigh. Let me know if you’re interested in advertising on my site. I take cash, credit, or a lifetime pass to go on brew tours that are actually located inside the beltline.
William Needham Finley IV
To: William Needham Finley IV <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Date: Thu, Aug 4, 2011 at 12:06 PM
Subject: Re: Advertising on ITB Insider
Thank you for your email. We apologize for having you on a mailing list for information you do not wish to receive. We will take you off of the list today and we will not send any further information.
As for the Beltline comments/questions, we give tours of 3 Raleigh breweries. One of which, Natty Greene’s, is inside the beltline. Also, we do not say or advertise that our tour will consist of breweries only “inside” the beltline. We hope that this clears up any confusion that you may have concerning our tours and company name. Thank your for your email and we wish you continued success in your endeavours.
Beltline Brew Tours
Date: Thu, Aug 4, 2011 at 12:42 PM
Subject: Re: Advertising on ITB Insider
Beltline Brew Tours,
Don’t apologize. You can keep sending me e-mails. To me, the beltline has always been the great divider for our city. Inside being good, outside being, well….words can’t really describe what outside the beltline is like. I’m not saying your name is a deliberate attempt at false advertising, I’m just saying a lot of people that I know would begin to hyperventilate, and possibly pass out, if they were on a bus that ended up taking them to Durham for a brew tour.
One possible solution would be to drive your bus to these OTB breweries, take some pictures/video, load up a few kegs of their beer, drive back to Raleigh, set up a video projector and the kegs, then let people do a virtual tour of the brewery while they sit safely at a bar inside the beltline, like Crowley’s.
Another solution, that you might not want to tell people about, is that these types of beer are sold at Harris Teeter and the Fresh Market. Your business model might take a hit if word got out that people could actually buy these beers in Cameron Village and then drink them wherever they wanted to inside the beltline.
Why isn’t Big Boss, Boylan Bridge Brew Pub, or Crowley’s on your list of tours? Adding a few more ITB breweries would increase your sales by at least 2,000%, and that’s just a rough estimate.
Again, if you’d like to take advantage of the wealth of disposable income among the young professional inside the beltline crowd, just let me know. If you choose not to, then you’re going to need to change your name, immediately. Don’t make me call my Dad.
They haven’t replied yet. Probably because I blew their business model out of the water when I told them that people can buy beer at grocery stores. Some people just aren’t cut out for the business world. One thing is for certain, they won’t be doing any brew tours at Felson’s anytime soon, or ever.