I was on the fence about doing a Year in Review post, but after all this Manti Te’o fake dead girlfriend with cancer stuff I wanted to make sure everything that happened over the last year did, in fact, happen. Plus I was pretty blackout during most of the year, so I needed to make sure all of this was real. Last year was quite a year for ITB Insider™. ITB dominated the sports world, competing in the London Olympics and winning college football national championships and PGA major championships. I made appearances on sports radio, took a trip to the London Olympics, got a Winnebago evicted from Cameron Village, covered the Cameron Village shooting tragedy better than our local news networks, and infuriated some Enloe students by making them realize that pretending to be frat stars made them look even more jealous of Broughton than we previously thought. I unveiled a line of ITB koozies and t-shirts and made millions, according to my accountant. Overall, it was an incredibly successful year for ITB. I expect more of the same in 2013.
If you missed any of it, I’ve reposted the most important ITB events below.
ITBCS National Champions - Broughton graduate Jeremy Shelley led Alabama to victory in the BCS National Championship game against LSU.
Valentine’s Day - I remember my most memorable, and somewhat traumatic, Valentine’s Day.
The ITB Chick-fil-A Opened - It is finished. Finally. ITB residents were rewarded with our own Broughton/ITB Chick-fil-A, the only two story Chick-fil-A in the world.
ITB Dominates Sports World - Staats Battle, a Broughton graduate, won ESPN’s “Most ITB Name in the NCAA Tournament”. Webb Simpson, also a Broughton graduate, and the greatest golfer from ITB, played in The Masters for the first time.
ITB Moment of the Week: Future Late Night President asks Gingrich to Newt-er Obama - Broughton student, Snow Holding, had the political stones to demand Newt Gingrich do something about Mr. Obama.
ITB Insider™ Crushes Sports Radio - I’ve always known I had the potential to be a lead anchor for ESPN’s Sportscenter. I would have showcased this talent on WCAP, Broughton’s daily morning news show, but I could never make it to school that early on a consistent basis. Also, anchors only get to talk for a few minutes during the highlights. I prefer talking for much longer, without listening to others. This all just means that I’m better suited to have my own radio show. I was invited to spread the word of ITB on the Adam and Joe Show on 99.9 The Fan ESPN radio. They have yet to offer me my own show. Here’s the audio for those of you that missed it.
Webb Simpson Wins First US Open for ITB - We all need to congratulate Webb once again for winning the 2012 US Open. Not just a victory for an incredible person and player, but one for ITB as well.
Raleigh Ruined My 4th of July - Raleigh tried to put on an event that catered to every walk of life, which is pointless, because there’s only one walk of life inside the beltline and it’s better than all the other walks.
Cousin Eddie Invades ITB - A Winnebago had the audacity to park in the heart of Cameron Village for weeks. It was a terrifying time for many ITB residents. I took matters into my own hands when Raleigh wouldn’t do anything about it.
Update: Cousin Eddie’s Winnebago Moves 5 Feet - I started to get support from fellow residents who were tired of living in fear.
ITB Will Dominate the London Olympics - My preview to the London Olympics.
ITB Wins Gold in Crushing London - Forrest put it best when he said, “No one is going to believe us when we tell them about this place.” He was referring to the Proctor and Gamble House that we basically lived in during our time in London. The full story will be told in my book, “Saved By The Beltline”.
How to Crush Your Freshman Year of College - This should be required reading for all the recent Broughton graduates who are beginning their freshman year in college. Follow this guide and you’ll be fine.
The Point of No Return - I had a panic attack when The Point went public about their lease running out and them having to move. Insiders knew about this for months, we just hoped it would solve itself quietly.
Hippest Hipster Invades ITB In Winnebago - Hopscotch Music Festival attracted a ton of hipsters to ITB. A few had the nerve to park their Winnebago in Cameron Village.
ITB News Network Exclusive: Tragedy in Cameron Village - Tragedy struck in Cameron Village when a gunman shot and killed a woman in front of Pier 1. ITB reporting broke the story well before our miserable local news stations.
ITB News Network: The Point Watch - An update on The Point possibly becoming homeless.
ITB Insider Says: Say “No” to Butt Chugging - Apparently, this is how commoners party.
Enloe Students Get Rare Opportunity to be Frat Stars - Enloe has always been jealous of Broughton. While we can’t fault them for their jealousy, we can make fun of them for lashing out at Broughton any chance they get. In a lame attempt to mock the fratiness that Broughton students naturally exude, Enloe students planned a “Frat Out” for their football game at Broughton. Hilarity ensued.
I’m So Prestigious - Apparently, some people who read the blog support Enloe and got upset. “Go die” was a typical response from these heathens. It wasn’t my goal to get a bunch of Enloe students to read this blog. I’d prefer that they just leave us alone and continue studying.
Almost the Worst Halloween Ever - Against Mom and Dad’s wishes, I went home to distribute their Halloween candy, but only to ITB kids.
It’s Not About Party Lines, It’s About Beltlines: An Open Letter to Pat McCrory - Our new Governor, Pat McCrory, is from Charlotte. This is clearly part of Charlotte’s agenda to ruin ITB. I wrote him this unwelcome letter. I’m sure he read it.
Let’s Get Charitable - With the threat of being cut out of my parents’ will, I came up with ways that I could be more charitable.
ITBNN: Charity Adoption, Broughton Steals Phones From Students, Under Armour Undeniable Finals - I continued being charitable by adopting an ITB bus shelter.
Roll Tide, Roll Caps: Alabama Wins 2013 BCS National Championship - ITB finished out the year with another victory in the BCS National Championship game. Congrats again to Jeremy Shelley and the rest of Alabama.