Clemson (-14.5) at NC State – Final Score: Clemson 26 – NC State 14
While we didn’t necessarily predict the State game “correctly”, ITB still came out on top by making an appearance on ESPN’s pregame coverage. After being broadcast on TV across the nation, sales of ITB koozies skyrocketed, in that one or two people asked me for free ones on Twitter. Good thing I ordered another 50,000 koozies to meet the demand.
This brings up another wager that we’ll keep track of throughout the year, over/under on number of times ITB koozies are shown on ESPN: 5.
WNFIV’s pick: I’m forced to take the over. I thought one 2 second appearance on national television would be enough to make Dad believe in me and my dream of living off the ITB blog. Unfortunately, he still won’t even respond to me when I look him dead in the eye and seek his praise. Tough love. I’ll take the over and pray it comes true.
Permar’s Clemson vs. NC State prop bets were spot on last week. Fights (+5) over toilets clogged by airplane bottles was the bet, but I was pretty drunk and thought we were betting on the number of mini bottles it would take to clog a toilet. Regardless, we were right. You’re welcome.
— William N. Finley IV (@WNFIV) September 19, 2013
Pat McCrory, Scotty McCreery, and multiple Fratty McDrunks were at the game, fulfilling the B-list celeb prop bet. You’re welcome.
Over/under – the % of girls who go from the game to The Point that change outfits first: 87
98% of the girls that went to the game went home to change outfits before going to The Point. It should have been 100%, because seriously what ITB girl would be caught dead wearing the same thing to The Point that she had just Instagrammed herself wearing two hours ago at the game? However, the remaining 2% were too drunk to change out of their sundresses and cowgirl boots and into designer jeans, blouses, scarves, and Tory Burch flats.
UNC at Georgia Tech (-7) – Final Score: UNC 20 – Georgia Tech 28
We were right. You’re welcome.
Broughton (-2.5) over BYE WEEK – Final Score: Broughton victory
You can’t lose if you don’t play. We’ll take that as a win. You’re welcome.
So after Week 1, ITB is at 2-1 and Permar nailed all the prop bets. With that kind of accuracy we’ll continue on with Week 2.
ITB Bets: Week 2
ECU vs. UNC (-10)
WNFIV’s pick: This is a tough call. I’d rather just take Dad’s credit card to Bob’s and get blackout no matter who wins.
Permar’s pick: ECU typically only gets up for UNC in years they aren’t also playing State. They can muster up some hate for UNC football every once in a while, but it’s hard when you’re already pulling for the Heels in basketball, you know? With the Wolfpack on the schedule, don’t expect ECU to care as much about this one. And with the Virginia Tech loss already ruining their season (because, seriously, who is paying attention to ECU once they start their conference schedule?), I fear the wind will be taken out the Pirates’ sails. ECU may be OTB, but they’re good people, and we need enough of them around to sell insurance to and beat in fantasy football. So be nice to them and buy them their first non-Busch Light beer. And ECU fans, if you do pull the upset, remember: Top of the Hill isn’t 519. No dancing on the bar. Put your share of the “just because it’s a guys’ weekend” 8-ball on the Heels -10.
(O/U) % of ECU football fans who will attend an ECU basketball game this winter: 5.5
(O/U) % of UNC basketball fans who will attend a UNC football game this fall: 4.5
Patterson’s pick: UNC playing ECU is like any well-off ITB superstar going to the Triangle Beach Music Festival. It’s the Super Bowl for ENC — JoCo, Pitt County, really anything East of the beltline — and we’re cool with that. You just try your best to avoid fights, broken glass, and STDs while enjoying the scenery. It may not be the biggest event of your year, but it is for a lot of the people there. The Pirates are one of the best teams in Conference USA, and only a few letdowns have kept them from making some noise as a legit mid-major nationally. Playing the Tar Heels is like a Super Bowl to many of the Pirates — particularly the ones who feel snubbed from recruiting. So be careful tossing the trust fund money around on this game. It might be better spent on antibiotics after the weekend.
Central Michigan vs. NC State (-23.5)
WNFIV’s pick: I’m not going to bother googling “Central Michigan” to learn anything about them. I just know that having a non-cardinal direction as part of your name is sooo OTB. Still, I don’t think State is capable of such a lopsided win. I’d bet on Central Michigan.
Permar’s pick: Not gonna lie and pretend I know anything about Central Michigan, and I’m definitely not taking the time to familiarize myself with them. That being said, 23.5 is a lot of points. I can guarantee you it will still be within 3 touchdowns when I lose interest. Tip for fans: State has 8 home games this year. This one might be a good one to sit out. Stay home, take the money you would have spent on bail getting arrested at the game, and lay it on the Chippewas +23.5
Next State fan to go viral in a GIF: Girl in red sports bra/body paint dropping multiple F-bombs (-110), Sunburned Band member airing out his armpits (-110), family man literally assaulting referee (-110).
Patterson’s pick: Asking NC State to win by 24 points may seem challenging as they have not reached that total in either of their last two games, but let me tell you a few things about Central Michigan. First, the Chippewas are 1-3 and have not covered a single spread this season. They are also the 5th most interesting football team in the state of Michigan, which basically makes them the Sanderson of the MAC. Would you put your money behind Sanderson? Didn’t think so. Take the Pack in an angry bounce back win following Sideline-gate.
Iowa (-2) vs. Minnesota
WNFIV’s pick: I couldn’t point to either of these states on a map if you paid me. However, Minnesota is an honorary ITB satellite campus, thanks to their current ITB AD, Norwood Teague. In addition to both being ITB, Norwood and I share an intense hatred for Trolley Pubs. I don’t know how good Iowa is and I don’t care. Blind allegiance to ITB always trumps reason. Take the Golden Gophers.
Permar’s pick: ITB AD Norwood Teague’s Gophers are undefeated but underdogs at home against Iowa. I don’t want to jinx them and I don’t want to pick against them, so instead let’s look at the over/under: 47.5. With a couple banged up QBs and a solid ground game at their disposal, I expect Minny to play ball control and shorten the game. Like an apartment building in Cameron Village, that over/under number is too high for me. Find out what one of those CV apartment buildings cost (not a unit, the whole damn building) and put it on the under. When you win, buy the building and destroy it. And bring back Ballantine’s.
Wake Forest (-27) at Broughton
WNFIV’s pick: The Broughton football team was featured in the N&O earlier this week. It was a heartwarming story about how first year head coach Billy Lane is proud of the team despite being 0-4. Coach Lane showed the team some inspirational clips from the movie “Rocky”, which is like 40 years old I think. I’d bet my Tahoe that Broughton goes undefeated the rest of the year if they watch speeches by Coach Eric Taylor from Friday Night Lights before every game. Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose. ITB forever.
Permar’s pick: Gotta love the Caps. People are always complaining there’s not enough written about their high school (it’s because no one has heard of it), while BHS gets a write-up for being 0-4 but “trying hard.” Trust the opponents notice this, too. Put the deposit on the place you should be renting out for an upcoming Homecoming party on the Cougars.
ITB Related SEC Game: LSU (+3) at Georgia
In 2010, former Georgia quarterback Zach Mettenberger pleaded guilty to charges that “were the result of Mettenberger grabbing the breasts and touching the buttocks” of a Valdosta State University student at the bar. This led to his dismissal from the Bulldogs’ football team, but his honorary ITB card was awarded like a Purple Heart for something that has occurred at Felson’s and Five Points for decades. Mettenberger returns to Georgia as LSU’s quarterback, second in the SEC only to Johnny Manziel — also recipient of an honorary ITB card — in touchdown passes (10). This will be his “F You” game to the Bulldogs, and the Tigers will at least cover the field goal spread.
If we’re right about these, pick up our next lunch at Village Deli. If we’re wrong, just tell Mom and Dad you got robbed by some hillbillies in town for the Bluegrass Festival this weekend.