by William Needham Finley IV

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Desperate to be ITB Housewives

Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper

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Yesterday, a mildly retarded jury of ten women and two men found Brad Cooper guilty of murdering his wife, Nancy Cooper. I’ve spent the last few months diligently watching this trial in my office with the door closed so my Dad thinks I’m doing work. Add in the fact that I spent two years studying and taking the LSAT, and it’s obvious that I’m fully qualified to give a legal opinion on this case. You might get confused by some of my lawyer words, but it will all be clear in the end. For those of you who haven’t been watching the Brad Cooper Murder trial, let me enlighten you.

Brad Cooper was married to Nancy Cooper. They lived in Cary because they were Canadian and couldn’t afford to live inside the beltline. In June 2008, Nancy was found dead. Cary Police assumed Brad was guilty of killing her and they didn’t bother to actually do any investigating. Quid pro quo, Brad is probably innocent.

I’m not going to go through all of the details of how the prosecution framed Brad Cooper. I’m just going to examine the potential murderers who are still running loose on the crappy golf courses and tennis courts of Cary. My research comes from this court document, which gets very interesting on page 61 (34 is the actual page number).

The Usual Suspects
(With the exception of Brett Wilson, all of these interactions took place while Nancy and Brad were married.)
Chad Dean – Chad is married to Nancy’s younger sister, Jill. Jill and Chad were dating when Nancy had an affair with Chad. By banging her sister’s boyfriend and future husband, Nancy hurt her relationship with her sister. This relationship was not repaired until Jill and Chad’s daughter was born. (I am not making this up.)

Michael Morwick – Nancy took her kids on a week long vacation alone with Michael. Before the trip, Nancy had publicly rebuffed Mr. Morwick when he publicly expressed his desire to, “F*#% Nancy’s brains out”. She went on vacation with him anyway.

Clea Morwick – Married to Michael Morwick. She was upset that Nancy went to the beach with Michael. Clea told police that the Cooper’s daughter, Bella, told her that she saw Nancy wearing jogging clothes on the morning she went missing. This evidence was ignored.

Craig Duncan – “the boy next door” he’s actually an adult. About a month before Nancy went missing, he confessed his love for her and said he knew she felt the same way. Nancy rebuffed these advances.

Scott Heider – married to Heather Metour. Brad banged Heather.

Tim Simmons – Cary PD found a receipt from an STD test that Nancy Cooper had performed in April of 2008. She and her husband had not been intimate for 2 years, since the birth of their daughter. The first call Nancy made after getting her STD test was to the Simmons household.

Michelle Simmons – Married to Tim Simmons. Michelle had a falling out with Nancy in 2008 over her belief that Nancy had been speaking with her husband behind her back and with an inappropriate degree of intimacy.

Brett Adam – At a party in May of 2008, Nancy showed Michelle Simmons a text, saying it was from “her man”. The text was from “Brett”. Simmons showed the cell phone to Jessica Adam, asking her why her husband, Brett Adam, was texting Nancy. Jessica became hysterical and Nancy explained that the text was from Brett Wilson. The night before her death, the last call that Nancy received on her cell phone came from Brett Adam’s cell phone. Jessica says she made that phone call.

Brett Wilson – Nancy was engaged to Brett Wilson, a wealthy energy company CEO. During the engagement, Nancy had an affair with Brad Cooper. She dumped Wilson when she married Brad. In the months leading up to her death, her relationship with Brett Wilson underwent a resurgence and escalated as evidenced by emails, phone records, and texts between the two. In an attempt to hide their relationship, she deleted emails that she received from Brett. Conveniently, Nancy’s cell phone, and all of the texts and data on it, was destroyed by the Cary Police Department.

John Pearson – During Pearson’s initial interview with detectives, two weeks after Nancy’s body was found, he forgot to mention that he banged Nancy. After being confronted by detectives seven weeks later, Pearson admitted to having a sexual encounter with Nancy. On Halloween of 2005, he and Nancy were intoxicated and naked on a couch in the Cooper home, “making out”. Pearson claims he was unable to recall whether they actually banged. (They did.) He and Nancy agreed to never speak of it again. Nancy’s second child was born right around 9 months after she and Pearson had their sexual encounter, ipso facto, he’s the baby’s daddy. Their relationship resumed as evidenced by numerous phone calls from April through June of 2008, just before Nancy went missing. Pearson and Nancy met at Blue Moon Bakery (OTB) for coffee shortly before Nancy died. This is an out of the way location for a meeting. Pearson also confronted Nancy about something she was telling other people about Pearson. During the police interview, Pearson was unable to recall the details of what it was that he was upset that Nancy was telling other people about him. It should be noted that a custody case was starting up that brought up the fact that Pearson was, ipso facto, the baby’s daddy. Pearson had also discussed going jogging with Nancy, which means he’s probably the killer.

Pearson also banged Heather Metour. When Pearson and Nancy banged, Pearson was also banging Heather. All of this banging happened while Pearson was still married to Kinde. Heather also banged Brad. Kinde and Heather were both friends of Nancy.

Kinde Pearson – married to John Pearson. Friends with Nancy. Suing Heather Metour for alienation of affection.

Heather Metour – She was friends with Nancy. She banged Brad Cooper while he was married to Nancy. She also banged John Pearson while he was married to Kinde Pearson. She was married to Scott Heider while she was banging everyone else.

Unknown Guy #1 – John Pearson told investigators that Nancy was banging a guy that went to their pool named “Micheal”. This is not the same Michael as Michael Morwick.

Unknown Guy #2 – According to Krista Lister, Nancy’s other sister, in her first year of marriage to Brad, Nancy had an affair with a dude from Florida that she brought to Krista’s wedding.

I know that’s a lot of confusing banging, which is why I’ve laid it all out in this diagram. Click to enlarge.

This type of behavior is typical in Cary. These women were trying to be the Real Housewives of Lochmere, except that none of them were hot, or rich. Well, they were rich by Cary standards, which is like being the best dressed homeless person on Taco Night at the soup kitchen. One of the slut witnesses even claimed that Lochmere was similar to “Desperate Housewives”, which really isn’t accurate. “Desperate to be ITB Housewives” is much more appropriate.

I’m not trying to defend this guy. I’m just saying he didn’t do it. But here in North Carolina, you’re guilty until proven guilty. If you’re lucky the prosecuting attorney will get disbarred, the accuser will completely screw up her story, then drop the charges, then stab and kill her boyfriend, then be on trial for murder. Brad should’ve gotten Cheshire or one of the other Duke Lax lawyers to defend him.

You’re probably thinking, “Why would Cary want to frame Brad Cooper? Why not find the real killer?” Cary simply wanted an open and shut case. Blame it on the husband and everyone is safe. If they admit Brad was innocent, that means there’s still a killer on the loose. If the killer was one of the people mentioned above, then Cary residents could potentially be playing tennis or socializing with a killer, and not even know it! Cary knew that their uptight citizens would find that socially unacceptable, so they did anything they could to make the residents feel safe. They even shot and killed a bank robber who didn’t even have a gun a few months ago. Cary residents are dying to be ITB. They try to flaunt safety and what they consider “wealth” in order to compete with ITB. A perfect example of this came from Cary Town manager Benjamin Shivar, after the Cooper verdict, “Since 1986 our community has seen 19 murders, and with every one that has been brought to trial, the suspect has been convicted. Clearly, our police department has the knowledge, skills, abilities and resources to solve complex crimes.” That’s great, but you still live in Cary. I rest my case.[hr]

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