ITB landfill operators noticed a dramatic influx of perfectly working iPad 2s on Thursday morning. Commoners flocked to the landfill from the surrounding Trailwood of Tears neighborhood and began stockpiling the discarded iPad 2s.
It appears that the increase can be attributed to ITB children who discarded their current iPads as they prepared to demand that their parents buy them the new iPad, which was announced by Apple on Wednesday afternoon.
One ITB student shared a reaction that was fairly widespread throughout ITB classrooms, “I was watching the live blog of the Apple event on my iPad 2 while we were going over some crap in AP U.S. History. Once they announced the retina display and 4G LTE compatibility I just walked across the room, opened the window, and threw my iPad 2 as hard as I could, hoping it would land in the dumpsters behind the cafeteria.”
One teacher commented, “I was wasting my planning perio….I mean taking my lunch break outside and I just saw hundreds of flat objects raining down from the second and third floor windows. I was startled until I remembered that the kids did the same thing when the last iPad came out.”
While elaborating on this ITB technology spring cleaning, one student said, “I’ll just tell my parents it got stolen. Then I’ll fake cry a little bit and accuse someone of taking it.”
When asked what excuse he would give his parents for losing his iPad 2, another student replied, “Excuse? I don’t need an excuse to make my parents get me the new iPad. It’s the new iPad and they know how to buy my love.”
Some teachers complained that the discarded iPad 2s could have been put to good use in the classroom. “These devices would really help the other students meet the end of grade test scores. Since we practice the “teach to the test” method we could just load all the end of grade test answers on the iPads and let the students use them during the final exam.”
An overwhelming majority of ITB students said they were excited about the new iPad because they “just want to spread the message of Kony 2012, because, like, what he’s doing in Uganda is horrendous. Africa is too great of a country to allow that kind of cruelty. We need to reach out and support their president, or king, or whatever they have. Oh and I also want to stream the ACC tournament during AP Psychology because our teacher hates sports and won’t let us watch it during class.”
When informed that the new iPad would not be released until March 16th, he replied, “Oh I’ll get it by tomorrow. Trust me.”
A majority of parents agreed that it’s “worth every cent” to buy the new iPad for their kids because it will “shut them up and keep them occupied”.