by William Needham Finley IV™

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ITB Intern

ITBlake Prepares for Queen of Hearts

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To have ITBlake try out your workout class, or anything else, contact business@itbinsider.com.

February is here and love is in the air. ITBlake the intern has been busy getting ready for the biggest night of his life; senior year Queen of Hearts. Also known as QOH, this formal dance held at Broughton is a tradition unlike any other. It’s more important than the Deb Ball and the Governor’s Inaugural Ball combined. People have children just so they can one day attend Broughton and go to Queen of Hearts. It’s that important.


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This year’s Queen of Hearts theme is Jurassic Park, which made me incredibly jealous of ITBlake. If someone doesn’t make their Tahoe look like one of the Jeeps from Jurassic Park then the entire senior class should be held back a year. I was going to make ITBlake wear an inflatable T-Rex costume, but we couldn’t find a tuxedo with arms that short.


Since this is such an important milestone in ITBlake the intern’s life, I wanted to do anything I could to make it the best night ever. I started by asking my friend Chrissy Teigen (who follows me on Twitter) for advice on getting him a date.


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Chrissy is super busy going to the Grammys and has a baby on the way, so I thought about reaching out to someone local. It just so happens that a contestant on this season of The Bachelor lives in Raleigh. I ran this by ITBlake to see if he’d want to go with her. Then we saw this video of her saying she would drink her own urine, which was a deal breaker for ITBlake. To each their own.

A post shared by Jenna Cooper (@jennacooperfit) on


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Just as I was about to turn to the micITBit Facebook group for advice, ITBlake found a date. The least I could do was get my friends at PBX® to host a special class and help him get in peak physical condition. As you can see from the video, he was a natural. His ability to go from rapping to almost dying from exhaustion was inspirational.

Now that he was in peak physical condition after one workout, I had ITBlake come up with some tips on how to have a good Queen of Hearts. Sure, he left out the dinner recommendations and a lot of other details, but we can’t expect him to plan the entire event. That’s what ITB moms are for.

ITBlake’s tips for QOH

1. Don’t eat Tide Pods, it’s not worth it

2. Rise biscuits and donuts are great for late night

3. Drink a lot of La Croix

I couldn’t have said it better myself. We’ll keep you posted on how ITBlake’s last QOH goes.



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ITBlake Wasn’t Old Enough To Attend the WRAL Awards So We’re Starting Our Own

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UPDATE: WRAL has responded. Apparently, they were just obeying the law. They have invited ITBlake to attend an upcoming award show. I assume this means he’ll get exclusive coverage rights and possibly an Intern of the Year award.

Age. Is it just a number, or perhaps a way to disenfranchise Raleigh’s younger citizen journalists? That’s the question many are asking after learning that ITBlake the intern was not allowed to attend the WRAL Voter’s Choice Awards due to being under the age of 21.

WRAL, a news station in Raleigh, held their annual awards event at Level7 in North Hills (JOTB) this week. After months of online voting, awards were given out in over 100 categories, with “Best Twitter Personality” being the most important. This year’s nominees were: Triangle Explorer @Trianglexplorer, Kaytee Smith @SciKaytee, Joe Ovies @joeovies, Bill Leslie @wralbleslie, and William Needham Finley IV. For real.

I received an invitation for myself and a guest to attend the event. Obviously, I planned to bring ITBlake. It’s my job to teach him about media empire stuff and this event was going to be the perfect teaching tool.


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ITBlake had been looking forward to the event for weeks. I hadn’t seen him this excited over something since the first time he met Stacy Miller. He asked me about the dress code at least three times (hoping it would be black tie) and even texted me the night before to make sure we were still going. That’s when we realized that this was a 21+ event. I checked with WRAL to see how strict this rule was.

They confirmed that ITBlake would not be able to attend because the bar would be open during the entire event.


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I didn’t know if this policy was the “law” or a devious plot by WRAL to keep ITBlake from becoming more famous. Were they threatened by him after seeing his raw talent on display at the Christmas parade? I thought about holding an emergency press conference at Broughton to announce an ITBoycott of the event, but I needed more time to investigate. The last thing I wanted to do was accuse WRAL of age discrimination if they were just obeying the law. Plus, it would be super awkward if I threw out accusations and then won the “Best Twitter Personality” award.

My investigation was put on hold so that I could break the bad news to ITBlake. As you can see from the video, he took the news pretty well. Our discussion brought up some valid points. Why couldn’t they let people of all ages attend the event and check IDs at the bar? Why not hold this at Crowley’s? Should the drinking age be changed? Was the First Amendment being “infringed” here? Are people under the age of 21 incapable of having value in our society?


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Instead of wasting our time worrying about what really happened, we came up with the genius idea to create our own awards. The “ITBest Awards” will be given out to the places that I think are the best in Raleigh. There will be no online voting to increase pageviews, no user submissions, and no opinions from others. Stay tuned.

As for the WRAL awards, Bill Leslie won the “Best Twitter Personality” category. I received honorable mention. That’s right, the host of the event announced that “William Needham Finley IV” received honorable mention in front of the whole crowd. What a time to be alive. #ITBlessed.

And yes, I’m fine with the result. I know that I’m more than just a Twitter personality. I’m a media empire. Oh, and I made sure to let WRAL know about the potential age discrimination when I took their feedback survey even though I didn’t attend the event.

Also, congrats to Rise for winning the “Best Biscuits” award. I’ve got a pretty good feeling they’ll be taking home an “ITBest Award” in 2018.

Broughton Intern Has Greatest Birthday Ever

in Broughton/Humor/ITB Intern by
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I’m pretty busy these days, but not so busy that I don’t take time for ITBlake the intern. His 18th birthday was Wednesday, so I obviously waited until Tuesday night to start thinking about it. Fortunately, social media provided a ton of great suggestions when I asked for some last minute gift ideas. Here are a few:

Pre-IPO shares of ITB Media Empire, Inc.

A signet ring. A card signed by top ITB officials and businesses. Lunch on the veranda at Carolina Country Club followed by a round of golf. A dictionary with all the words starting with “out” or “outside” scratched out and all words with “inside” highlighted with hearts in the margin. A friend for the Lake Boone chicken. A personal billboard for the month. Oh. I know. A trip to a festival somewhere…..

Management position with MicITBit

A case of LaCroix

Redeemable gift certificate for the Point

A YETI Tundra for the Tahoe and a YETI Hopper for on the go

Long sleeved Big Rock shirt

A Barbour jacket

Whatever it is, monogram or smock it

ITBlake wine (LaCroix) personalized glass

Reserved parking spot in Kip-Dell

Someone suggested a Trolley Pub ride, but we aren’t allowed to haze interns. Plus, we are anti-ITBullying at ITB Insider™.

A framed Stacy Miller sign, framed in empty Amazon boxes

Tickets to the next Fyre Festival


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A car – this was suggested by multiple people

A “My boss survived the Fyre Festival and all I got was this lousy t-shirt” t-shirt.

Be cutting edge. Get him a fidget spinner.

Man-Mur gift certificate

Cake from Village Deli

A Land Rover (assuming he doesn’t already have one…)

Take him to a strip club

A Broughton-themed care package

Clearly deserves Bojangles’ breakfast. If you could somehow get Flash to deliver it to the BHS football stands that’d be a good way to watch the sun come up.

ITBiscuits from Rise, then an ITBmw


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Lock him in the time capsule

Set up a song-a-gram go fund me competition with all proceeds toward purchasing a gift certificate from Village Deli or Great Outdoor Provision Company (only redeemable at CV location)

Snap spectacles, he can post videos and be the itbhipster

A fake id and/or a members-only pass to the secret Felsons that we all know still exists somewhere.

A flask with Broughton’s logo on it

A purple and gold fidget spinner

Pullen Park tickets are always a hit. Or maybe pay his joining fee at the University Club to get him off of parents’ membership.


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Thanks to everyone for the suggestions. I wasn’t able to get all of these things on such short notice, but I’ll definitely add them to his Christmas list. Here’s what I did get ITBlake for his 18th birthday:

A birthday cake donut from Rise in Cameron Village.

Tradition Scarves had actually already prepared a present for ITBlake. They got him a Broughton scarf, hat, socks, and a NC flag bandito. ITBlake’s still figuring out how to wear it.

An ITBlessed LaCroix glass. (These will soon be available in the online shop.)

LaCroix for his ITBlessed glass.

A Pumpkin Spice Latte, since he’s still on his PSD (pumpkin spice diet), I actually had them write “ITBlake” on it.

A copy of the August issue of Vanity Fair that I was in. 

That’s a key to ITBlake’s very own luxury condo at The Wade. This was kind of a big one, but I figured it was a business expense that I could write off. It’s still under construction, but ITBlake was so excited that he may camp out there in a few weeks. Stay tuned.

Overall, it was a great birthday for ITBlake. They grow up so fast.


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ITBlake Investigates: Broughton’s Off-Campus Lunch Pass Conspiracy

in Broughton/Humor/ITB Intern by
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Every year, junior and senior students at Broughton ask themselves, “Why do I pay $170 for a parking spot and then another $20 for an off-campus lunch pass? Why is this so expensive and where does the money go?” A new theory suggests that the high cost of the off-campus lunch pass is the result of the money going not towards school supplies, but something much more dubious. But what?

A closer look inside classrooms points to where the money is heading. Walk into any Broughton classroom and you’ll find students sleeping. The administration has fought this for years, but finally embraced the practice once they realized they could benefit from it. A former Broughton teacher, who requested anonymity, told us of the existence of a controversial program being used by the administration. I began to investigate.

Referred to as “InceptiCap”, the program is modeled after the documentary Inception, which details the top-secret government program used to enter a person’s dreams to plant an idea into their mind. Since students sleep through class anyway, the Broughton administration figured they could utilize the practice of inception in order to educate students and, as a result, increase end of year test scores and graduation rates.


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It’s common knowledge that Broughton keeps the 2nd and 3rd floors warmer by not turning on the AC. This makes students more susceptible to falling asleep. A PASIV device is placed on a student once they fall asleep, allowing teachers to implant ideas into that student’s mind. If the class is boring enough, the student enters limbo (the longest dream state), which is why many claim that some classes (most commonly math) seem to last for years. In their mind, they are sitting through 10 years of learning calc.

Broughton students have started to catch on to this scheme and have become more vigilant. Similar to the Inception documentary, many students now carry fidget spinners with them at all times to help them determine what’s real and what’s a dream. If their fidget spinner never stops spinning, the student is still asleep and being forced to learn against their will.

the original fidget spinner

Clearly the outrageous price of the off-campus lunch passes can be directly linked to funding the InceptiCap program. Like any good conspiracy, that answer just led to more questions, and I needed more answers. Who exactly was the mastermind behind this scheme and why were students footing the bill? Why doesn’t the PTA just pay for this? I confronted Mr. Corsetti, Physics teacher and first ballot Broughton Hall of Famer, with my findings and was met with a dead end. (Press play)

I posted my Zapruder film to Instagram and by last night it had already hit the Explore page.

With all the extra attention I’ve brought to this matter, henceforth known as “off-campus lunch passgate”, it appears the administration is now spending even more money on a cover-up. I’ve reached out to Stacy Miller about representing Broughton students in a Caps class action lawsuit, but he’s busy running for City Council. While some could say the practice of InceptiCap is done for the greater good, the question of why we have to spend $20 on an off-campus lunch pass remains. Will the Broughton administration lower the prices of off-campus lunch passes now that I’ve blown the lid off this conspiracy?

Keep dreaming.


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Welcome to ITBlake Investigates

in Humor/ITB Intern by
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A message from WNFIV: I’m thrilled to present ITBlake the intern’s first article for ITB Insider™. In addition to making dank memes and trying to get 1,000 followers on social media, he’ll be working on an investigative series for us.

Hey everyone,

It’s ITBlake here with the first of many weekly investigative articles. You may be thinking, who is ITBlake and what is he going to investigate? Well, I’m the first ever intern at ITB Insider™. Yes, I am a real person. Yes, I am getting class credit as a senior at Broughton for this.

As a small child I began investigative journalism by giving people news they wouldn’t get from the lamestream media and Big Sesame Street. At age 11 I was the youngest person ever to climb and investigate Mt. Everest while wearing American Chubbies. When I was 16 and got my license, I became the second best driver in the world, behind Ricky Bobby. As I finish my last year of high school, it made sense to put my investigative skills to good use at the only media empire worth paying attention to.


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What have I been up to?
I have many responsibilities as an ITB Insider™ intern. First and foremost, I’m responsible for making sure everyone’s BLC (Blood LaCroix Content) is at least 12% at all times. I do research on important issues like the big “What’s really in LaCroix?” scandal that rocked the world this week. I’m constantly on call to assist Bonner Gaylord with the weather dome. Despite not having any legal education whatsoever, I’ve been helping Stacy Miller in the trial of the millennium against the Fyre Festival bandits. I’m also required to stay up-to-date on Broughton history and trivia.


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What’s going on at Broughton?
I’ll be providing updates on the best high school in the world. Here’s what’s going on this week:
9/15/17 – Broughton vs Rolesville Varsity Football game – 7:00 pm at Broughton. Hurricane financial aid donations will be collected.
9/22/17 – Club Fair – Students get to see what clubs they can sign up for. Speaking of clubs, apparently someone started a LaCroix Club. I’m not sure exactly what the club will do, but WNFIV has already called for an investigation.

an actual flyer at broughton right now

10/6/17 – Homecoming – This year’s theme is “Battle of the Bands” and students are already hard at work building floats for the parade. It sure would be nice if a lovable guitar-playing mascot who went to Broughton were allowed to participate in the festivities…

What comes next?
After my first week of watching Shav highlights, reading the August issue of Vanity Fair multiple times, and listening to The Connells, I’m ready to start investigating the issues that matter.

I’ll cover the obvious topics like Queen of Hearts and prom, but also plan to tackle the hard hitting questions like, “Why are off campus lunch passes $20 when I already paid $170 for a parking pass?” and “Why isn’t there AC on the 2nd and 3rd floor of Broughton right now? How many students have to be mildly uncomfortable until a change is made? How many?!?!” Most importantly, I will help grow the media empire and make sure ITBlake is a name you can rely on and trust.

Want more of ITBlake?
You can follow me on Instagram @itbintern and on Twitter @ITBintern. You can also read more about my first week on the job below. If you have any stories you’d like me to investigate, please email intern@itbinsider.com.

Broughton Intern Passes with Flying Pastel Colors


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