by William Needham Finley IV™

ITB Dad in Doghouse After Ruining Back to School Picture

in Humor/ITBNN by
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ITB Family Nearly Torn Apart Over School Photo

A Hayes Barton family was almost torn apart after a disastrous first day of school. Grace Anne Stewart, a mother of two, came close to filing for divorce after her husband, Charles Stewart, failed to take an adequate back to school picture of their children.

Grace Anne had gone out of town to be with her sister who was giving birth, one of the only reasons a mother would miss a back to school photo shoot of her kids. She laid out specific instructions and sent Charles a reminder text early Monday morning.

Charles woke up, read the text, remembered about half of it and began his day. He tried putting the kids into the outfits his wife had chosen, but gave up after the kids threw mild tantrums. He managed to get the children to write their names on the chalkboard by bribing them with an extra hour of iPad time after school, and quickly took the pictures. Distracted by an important commercial real estate call, Charles forgot to send the pictures to his wife and proceeded to drop the kids off at school. By 9:00 am, Grace Anne knew something was wrong and texted her husband.

Grace Anne: Charles! Where are the pictures?!

Charles: Sorry, got caught up on a call.

Grace Anne: It’s 9:05 am. Our picture won’t be seen by as many people if we don’t post it right now. We need at least 100 likes this year.

Charles sent the pictures at 9:06 am, which is also the exact moment his marriage nearly came to an end.

Grace Anne: CHARLES!!!!

Charles: Don’t the kids look cute?

Grace Anne: The chalkboard, Charles. The fucking chalkboard.

Charles: I put the chalkboard out!

Grace Anne: Yeah, you did, but those grades are from LAST YEAR. David had a huge growth spurt this summer. He doesn’t look like he’s going into the 4th grade, unless he’s the damn Hodor of Root. He’s a giant.

Charles: It’s not my fault the kids don’t know what grade they’re going into. There are literally 1 million pictures of kids going back to school today on social media. No one actually reads the chalkboards.

Grace Anne: Well my group text that I just sent these to noticed immediately. And I told you to put him in seersucker shorts and a Brooks Brothers polo from the ITBack to School Must Haves guide. Why is he wearing a Golden State Warriors t-shirt and basketball shorts?! This isn’t a Jaycee basketball game.


Brooks Brothers Polo

A quintessential part of the ITB wardrobe, the Brooks Brothers polo should be worn every day of the week. When not wearing a Brooks Brothers polo, make sure your child is wearing a t-shirt from an ITB acceptable restaurant, such as Sanitary, Beaufort Grocery, Angus Barn, etc.


Charles: I’ll fix it.

Grace Anne: How?! Now we don’t have a first day of school picture to post next to our last day of school picture at the end of the year! Do you want this to be your second divorce before you’re 35? We are done. DONE!

Charles knew nothing good could come from replying to an all caps “done” text message. Thinking he could salvage the picture, and hoping to avoid another costly divorce, Charles cancelled his commercial real estate appointment, hopped in his Yukon, and sped towards Root. He pulled the kids out of class, did 95 down Glenwood, arrived home, frantically made the kids change clothes and pose for another picture in front of the chalkboard, which he updated with the correct grades. He took a dozen pictures and sent them to his wife by 10:00 am.

Grace Anne: These are fine. But if this doesn’t get 100 likes so help me God…

As of 6:00 pm the picture only has 87 likes.


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