by William Needham Finley IV™

ITB Insider™ Crushes Sports Radio

in Uncategorized by

I recently appeared as a guest on the Adam and Joe show on 99.9 The Fan. Overall, I’d say I crushed it. Got a lot of great feedback from some Twitter followers and texts/calls from friends. Thanks for the support. I haven’t gotten the ratings in yet, but I’m pretty sure they’re going to offer me my own show. I left out a few things that I really wanted to mention. Things like mansion fire, how the ITB Insider shirts are one of the few acceptable t-shirts to wear, etc. It all happened so fast, but I’m sure I’ll do better next time, or when I have my own show. For those of you that missed it, the audio is below.

For those of you that can’t listen, here’s a transcript with behind the scenes footage.

While I waited to go on, Joe Ovies started to do a news report.  He said that during an interview, NBA Commissioner David Stern asked radio host Jim Rome, “Do you still beat your wife?”. I’ve loved Jim Rome ever since this happened;

So I immediately asked if this was true.

WNFIV: Wait, why did Stern say that? I didn’t know Rome beat his wife.

Joe: Well, it was in response to a question Stern didn’t like.

WNFIV: Wow, I didn’t even know Rome had a history of beating his wife.

Joe: He doesn’t. It’s a trick question. You can’t answer it. If you say “No” that implies that you used to beat your wife, if you say “yes” then you’re admitting to beating your wife.

WNFIV: So when did Rome beat his wife?

Joe: Are you actually listening when I talk?

WNFIV: I’d like to think that I am.

Then the show started

Joe: William Needham Finley IV, otherwise known as the ITB Insider. Did you bring an oxygen tank, because I know the air here is a little bit different. You might want to get closer to the mic, Mr. Fourth.

WNFIV: Like this?

Joe: Yes

WNFIV: Ok, well it’s tough, ya know, keeping track of the oxygen levels in your SUV. A lot of the time you have to make sure they’re at 100%. 50% isn’t going to cut it, you might get lost out there and who knows what’s going to happen.

Joe: If it’s not an SUV, is it a Volvo Station wagon?

WNFIV: Yeah, that works, or a luxury SUV or sedan.

Joe: Ok, for an outsider like me, I moved here in 1995, and wrapped up high school at Cardinal Gibbons, I was not privy to the privilege that is Broughton, which is I guess the mecca of ITB.

WNFIV: It is, yes.

Joe: Ok, what is with the cult status that goes with being ITB?

WNFIV: Um, I wouldn’t say, I mean “cult” is a harsh word. I would describe it as a lifestyle. It’s a lifestyle that you’re blessed with if you live inside the beltline and are fortunate enough to be born here and grow up going to the appropriate schools, including Broughton of course. So that’s really the most important part of it.

Joe: I’ve maintained that having gone to Broughton is actually better for you than joining an exclusive fraternity in college.

WNFIV: It is. That’s a fact.

Joe: That’s a straight up fact?

WNFIV: That’s a fact. When you go to school, if you’re at State or Carolina, or another school in the area, people will say “where are you from?” and some people will say their small town that you’ve never heard of  and then you can just say “I went to Broughton” and then they know. You don’t really need to say “I’m from Raleigh” you can just say “I went to Broughton”.

Joe: Is there even more circles involved, like if I was to say “Algebra Club” would that be even more status than say the Gimghoul?

WNFIV: Yes. Yes, I think for the latter, they let in anyone there because it’s at Carolina, but the former is…

Joe: Even more exclusive than Gimghoul?

WNFIV: I would say so. You know it hasn’t been around since the 80s*. If you know about it, you know that it entails a lot of um, what some people would call “underage drinking”. I mean, age is just a number.

Joe: This is true, this is true. So when I go downtown, I think that the ITB lifestyle is being threatened by an outside force, that would be the hipsters.

WNFIV: It is. It definitely is.

Joe: Because when I go downtown I see a lot of people hanging out at certain bars, wearing skinny jeans, the thrift store shirts that are usually plaid.  How do the long time Raleighites feel about that movement?

WNFIV: Well it’s definitely upsetting, but fortunately I think it is changing. There have been some new bars downtown that have been deemed acceptable to go to before you head to Five Points.

Joe: Ok

WNFIV: So, it’s gradually changing, but a few years ago I really couldn’t have gone downtown and been able to survive.

Joe: So where do the ITB socialites hang out? Or are you even allowed to talk about it?

WNFIV: I’ll just say Five Points.

Joe: Five Points in general. How do you feel about North Hills?

WNFIV: It’s acceptable if you’re taking Lassiter Mill to get there. It’s tough if you pass Six Forks…

Joe: So the delineation would be Six Forks, if you go beyond Six Forks, you’re done.

WNFIV: I would like to think so, I’ve been trying to get that section at least annexed into ITB, so that we can enjoy it.

Joe: So say I’m coming up Six Forks, say I went up Atlantic to Six Forks and approached North Hills that way, that would be a problem?

WNFIV: I mean it’s tough, if you took Anderson Dr. that might be acceptable.

Joe: Ok

WNFIV: But ya know Atlantic is just, I dunno, just….

Joe: Atlantic is a little bit on the sketchy side. There’s been a good number of well to do famous Broughton athletes, and Webb Simpson is probably the marquee name right here.

WNFIV: Definitely.

Joe: But are there any others, I think there’s some alumni basketball game taking place between Broughton and Leesville.

WNFIV: I think there is. A few years ago, back in the early 2000s, Shavlik Randolph played at Broughton and another highly touted recruit Anthony Richardson played at Leesville, along with another guy who I can’t remember his name. We played our home game at our gym, which is bigger and better than everyone else’s, and that was even before it was renovated. But then for the Leesville home game they held it at Reynolds Coliseum to accommodate such a large crowd, I think the largest ever for a high school basketball game in the state. So they are a little upset that they didn’t have a “true” home game.

Joe: Oh I see.

WNFIV: But it’s also a memorial for someone, so it’s for a good cause.

Joe: Now, one can’t just be inside the beltline can they? I’m originally from South Florida, currently living just outside the beltline, but let’s say I found a spot in Five Points, a nice little bungalow that gives me a ridiculously low amount of square footage that I have to pay, I don’t know, millions of dollars for, would that buy me enough status to be considered ITB, or is that not enough?

WNFIV: Ummm, I wouldn’t say that it’s enough, it’s a start. It really depends on the relationships that you build ITB since, pre-school really. I mean if you happen to move here in middle school or high school or something, and you do attend Broughton and make those connections, you could find your way in. But there are a lot of people who come here during college and they just try to wear the right things and live on Nichols….

Joe: What is wearing the right things? Right now I’m wearing the ironic ESPN on-air talent t-shirt, that’s not gonna work. If I had this embroidered with my initials would that get me in?

WNFIV: I don’t know about embroidered, I mean it would need to be a Polo or a Brooks Brothers or something like that, with a collar. There are only a few shirts that are t-shirts that you’re really allowed to wear out of the house.

Joe: So a pastel color I’m assuming?

WNFIV: Um, it needs a front pocket. And it needs to be from Sanitary or an established ITB locale. It shows that you went there. The Hard Rock shirts were a little too mainstream but they were popular in the middle school days because it said “I went to “this city”” so…

Joe: Dockside wouldn’t get me through?

WNFIV: Oh definitely, yeah Dockside would. Salty Dog…

Joe: Those are the types, those are the uniform that go along with it, ok. I’m just double checking on that.

WNFIV: As far as t-shirts go, yeah.

Joe: Now, when did this become a thing? I don’t think it’s always been like this. When did this become a thing?

WNFIV: Well, I’m not entirely certain. I’ve always known it to be true and a lifestlye, but…

Joe: When did the inside the beltline folks start getting protective of it? Was it an influx of northerners, you know Cary is otherwise known as the “Containment Area for Relocated Yankees”.

WNFIV: That’s true. I think that might have been one factor to sort of cause people to protect the beltline a little bit more. Cary’s explosive growth is definitely not something we’re fond of, or driving there, or trying to go anywhere in Crossroads.

Joe: Have you thought about putting up a wall?

WNFIV: Yes, definitely, there are parts of a wall around the beltline. But you know a solid, impenetrable wall would be a lot better, where you could have an ITB sticker designate your status and allow you in or out, sort of like a passport.

Joe: I could see that, a passport would be a good idea. I was thinking more of like a toll to get in to inside the beltline. I know there’s a toll road that is now on the Triangle Expressway, that gets a lot of the outsiders if you will, to commute to and from work. Would you be ok with gates, toll booths that, where would you start that? Wade Avenue?

WNFIV: Yeah, right at Ridgewood there. That seems to be a pretty hot spot for coming inside the beltline and driving down the Wade Ave. 500, which they should probably make two lanes now, it’s a little too crowded. But yeah I think that’s a possibility we could look into.

Joe: What would you do with the revenues?

WNFIV: They would probably be invested in ITB landmarks or areas like Cameron Village or Five Points, ensuring that those retain their historic value. I guess we could improve upon some areas like the Trailwood of Tears or Western Boulevard of Broken Dreams, maybe make those a landfill or something like that. It would be hard to relocate all those people but they’re college kids in apartments, they’re used to moving around every six months and losing their deposits for whatever.

Joe: William Needham Finley IV, I appreciate you dropping by. I know your time is limited, you are running out of the Inside the Beltline oxygen supply, our filters here are I guess a different kind of filters…

WNFIV: A HEPA filter would be nice.

Joe: Yeah that would be nice.

WNFIV: I think those are only in vaccum cleaners, I dunno. We don’t have to have them in my house.

Joe: Probably ionized or whatever they might be. I know your time is limited, you have to get back inside the beltline before you run out of oxygen. I appreciate that. Hopefully this doesn’t ding your status with the cool kids that you came out this way and this isn’t NPR either, that’s another factor, this is a sports talk radio station.

WNFIV: I know, I think that since it’s affiliated with ESPN it’s pretty good. I feel like I’ll probably get picked up for a show or something pretty soon. Hopefully it’ll replace some other people.

Joe: Maybe. Not this show.

WNFIV: Not this show, I meant some national shows. I don’t wanna name them.

Joe: Hey Jim Rome might be in trouble after this whole David Stern business.

WNFIV: I like Jim Rome

Joe: We appreciate you stopping by.

The segment ended and we went off the air.

WNFIV: Can I get a recording of this? This is a Father’s Day gift and I’m pretty sure Dad wasn’t listening live.

Joe: Sure, no problem.

W: So how does the payment work out for today?

Joe: The payment?

W: Yeah, do I get paid per listener? I hope that’s the case, because I left my car radio on, I’m streaming this from my iPhone, iPad, and MacBook Pro, and I’ve got the radios on in my house.

Joe: There isn’t a payment plan. You aren’t getting paid.

W: Oh ok, so it’s more of a royalties type thing, where you’ll pay me when this airs again. That’ll work.

*I misspoke. The Algebra Club ended in the 90s.[hr]

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