by William Needham Finley IV™

ITB Speaks, Raleigh Listens, Winnebago Gets Towed

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It is finished. The Winnebago is gone. Rejoice at this Christmas in July miracle. This potential tragedy turned out to be a heartwarming story of the upper class overcoming all odds to evict a Winnebago from Cameron Village. Fellow ITB residents and I went to great lengths over the past two weeks to get this atrocity removed from the sacred streets lining our upscale specialty retail destination center. (OTB Was Full, Cousin Eddie Invades ITB and Update: Cousin Eddie’s Winnebago Moves 5 Feet) Last Friday morning our hard work and complaining finally paid off when the Winnebago was towed by the City of Raleigh. It’s no coincidence that it was moved the day after I threatened to take the law into my own hands. I was about to contact that OTB Lizard Lick Towing company about getting rid of it.

This is one of my proudest accomplishments, mainly because something was actually accomplished. I’m not used to seeing results like this. I’ve spent the majority, if not all, of my life demanding that things happen, then demanding to be taken seriously when they don’t happen, then threatening to call Dad after I’m not taken seriously. Some of my most used lines are, “Wait until my Dad gets here.” or “Wait until Dad hears about this!” or “Oh yeah, HA, just wait until I talk to my Dad…….Can I have my phone call now?”.

The next step usually involves Dad bailing me out, followed by an SUV ride full of shame and belittlement. Dad tells me how stupid I am for running my mouth and claiming that I could sue (insert name) so hard that they wouldn’t even be able to afford to shop at Food Lion when I was done with them. It’s a vicious cycle, that isn’t even really a cycle. It’s more of a downward spiral that ends with me confused about the “lesson” that Dad just taught me.

Fortunately, this time was different. This time I saw results. After seeing my success, a faithful ITB resident sent me a picture taken in The Fresh Market parking lot on Sunday.

Clearly it was another invasion attempt, disguised as a simple grocery store stop while on a road trip. I told myself I’d handle this on Monday night, after my hangover passed. I drove by Cameron Village at lunch on Monday and it was already gone. It’s like the city knew they needed to get rid of it to appease me. The city even made Nickelback cancel their show in Raleigh because I hate them so much. That’s respect.

 

I’m still shocked that my demands actually resulted in action being taken. I need to think carefully about how I want to use and abuse my new power. What if I had the power to bring Felson’s back? If there was ever a time when we ITB residents needed a dance floor alternative to the ADF (Architect dance floor) aka “Garner Hoedown”, it’s now. I’ll prioritize my list of demands, starting with getting rid of the apartments (slums) that are being built in Cameron Village.[hr]

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ITB Disasters

Today's guest post comes from The ITB Historian. Writer's note: our thoughts
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