by William Needham Finley IV™

OTB Was Full, Cousin Eddie Invades ITB

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Earlier this week, a fellow ITB resident informed me of the disaster pictured below. That is a Winnebago parked on Sutton Dr., in the heart of Cameron Village. This Winnebago has been parked there for at least a week and has not moved. This is obviously some form of OTB terrorism, or an attempt to get closer to our ITB women, who spend the majority of their day in Cameron Village.

Cousin Eddie* refuses to leave ITB

I don’t even want to think about what this could do to property values in the area. My first thought was to call Dad and complain, but he stopped taking my phone calls during work hours a long time ago. I took it upon myself to demand that Raleigh fix this. I turned to the easiest, least labor intensive option for lodging a complaint; the See, Click, Fix iPhone app that allows you to report any issue to the City of Raleigh. I wasn’t sure what category my complaint fit into, so I just chose “Garbage”. (Note: I was wrong about the number of days. I had only known about it for two days, but I was informed that this abomination had been there for over a week.)

As you can see, my complaint was well written and should have received swift action. I even offered to take care of this myself by calling 911.

I was then notified that my complaint had gone to 46 people, including: Raleigh City Hall, Councilor Crowder, WRAL, and the Raleigh Police Department.

The City of Raleigh responded with a bunch of bureaucratic crap about laws and rules and stuff.

I’m not a parking zone lawyer, so I replied the best that I could. I even followed Robert’s Rules of Order.

They didn’t even bother waiting for someone to second my motion. They had the nerve to just close the issue and continue to support vagrancy on our sacred ITB streets.

Here’s a link to the whole issue on the See, Click, Fix website.

Unbelievable. You try to stand up for what you believe in and take it upon yourself to make a change and the City just brushes your concerns under the rug. It’s like they didn’t even pay attention to the Roman numerals at the end of my name. Clearly, some low level employee was handling this and doesn’t realize the potential ramifications. Don’t say I didn’t warn you when the riots start if this thing isn’t moved soon. You don’t want to feel the wrath of the Broughton PTA. Trust me.

The one and only reason we should let this thing stay ITB is if it’s owned by Flash (aka Jonathan C). If, by some miracle, Flash has sold enough knives and can afford to move on up into a Winnebago, then we should let him stay. It’s obvious that he just wants to make sure he has a home address that’s in the Broughton school district. Can’t blame the guy for that.

*Cousin Eddie is a character in the movie National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. He is not my actual cousin.

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