The hits just keep on coming for North Carolina. In a week that has seen both the NCAA and the ACC move sporting events from the state due to House Bill 2, an even bigger bombshell just dropped. A North Carolina fantasy football league is boycotting its entire season until the bill is overturned.
Raleigh residents representing the “99 Problems But A Bathroom Ain’t One” fantasy football league thought long and hard before deciding to put their season on hold. “At first I was going to pull a Kaepernick and just sit my starters in protest, but then I realized I’d lose games and hurt my chances at making the league playoffs. When the ESPN fantasy site crashed on the first Sunday of the season I convinced the rest of the league to join me in a boycott. We figure this should put enough pressure on the politicians to overturn this law,” said Steve Handley, team owner of Game of Jerry Jones.
Wearing a “Justice for Harambe” tie dye shirt, league commissioner Tim Berry commented, “Boycotting our season this year says a lot. You don’t see any of those Pokémon Go players boycotting NC over HB2 do you? Those nerds don’t have any morals.” Berry is urging other fantasy football leagues across the country to boycott poring over their laptops, iPads, and iPhones for hours every Sunday, also known as “playing fantasy”.
The league issued the following statement:
“We felt that if we didn’t come out against HB2, people would assume we were in support of it. Once the NCAA and ACC made a stand we decided to follow suit, mainly because we don’t care about social issues until they cross over into sports. We want to make it clear that the core values of this league are of the utmost importance, and the opposition to any form of discrimination is paramount.”
While the league as a whole agreed to the boycott, some team owners were concerned with the ramifications. “We don’t know what we’ll do with all this free time now that we aren’t playing fantasy. I may have to see my family. Steve may have to actually get engaged to his girlfriend of seven years. HB2 has got to be overturned as soon as possible so we can get back out there on the field,” said Ed Harlow, team owner of Mauney’s Soldiers.
Local activist Harper Stafford appreciated the gesture, “It’s nice to see a fantasy football league showing their support by boycotting North Carolina. This means we won’t have to hear people give us a play by play of their fictional sports teams every Monday morning. Actually, this is the only positive outcome related to HB2 that I’ve seen so far.”
This move is expected to cost the state close to $1,000 in under the table gambling revenue. When asked to comment on the impact of the fantasy football boycott, Governor Pat McCrory responded, “Are we REALLY talking about this? What do wizards have to do with which bathroom you use? I won’t let this fantasy mumbo jumbo get in the way of protecting our women. Not on my watch.”