by William Needham Finley IV™

Lilly Pulitzer Prize Awarded to North Hills

in ITBNN by

Mothers and daughters inside the beltline rejoiced this week when it was announced that North Hills would be awarded a prestigious Lilly Pulitzer standalone store. A first for the area, the standalone Lilly store will be located at North Hills in the 2,400 square foot space currently occupied by Learning Express Toys. Learning Express Toys will move to the space occupied by Flink’s Framing & Fine Art.

To say ITB residents were excited would be an understatement. “My prayers have been answered, they say the Lord works in brightly colored floral pattern ways and it’s true. I can now go from lululemon to Lilly just by getting in my Suburban and driving across the street. We are so ITBlessed,” said Mary Anna Pointer.

This is not a Magic Eye poster.
This is not a Magic Eye poster.

One mother commented, “We’re entering peak Deb party season and there are so many luncheons to attend. Going to Crabtree every week to buy new Lilly at Belk with all those heathens is such a chore, and not the kind of chore that you can just make the housekeeper do, like raising your kids.” When told that the store would not open until 2017, the mother began hyperventilating before taking a shot of her Xanax epipen.

A Lilly representative commented on the need for the new store, “We’ve obviously had success in the Raleigh area for years, thanks to Broughton, St. Mary’s, and the Carolina Country Club. When we saw the bloodbath that resulted from our Lilly Target sale last year we knew there was an unreasonably high demand that had to be met. With the growth of North Hills, and the fact that Bonner Gaylord annexed it to ITB, we could not think of a better location.”

Currently, Lilly is available at Palm Avenue in Cameron Village and Belk in Crabtree Valley Mall. Associates from both stores were seeing crying into their S’well water bottles upon hearing the news that the North Hills store would effectively put them out of business. A manager at Palm Avenue stated, “Sure we’re in Cameron Village, but, like, we won’t have nearly the same amount of Lilly as a standalone store. Like, we still have to carry Southern Proper and Vineyard Vines, which everyone knows is basically the Cary of preppy clothing companies. Ugh.”

An unnamed manager from the Lilly Pulitzer section of Belk declined to comment, but was seen hiding in a dressing room, sighing heavily and muttering, “We don’t stand a fucking chance.” over and over.

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