by William Needham Finley IV™

Five Points Family Preps for the Angus Barn Trail

in Humor/ITBNN by
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A Five Points family is preparing for a trek outside the beltline. Davis Knox Craig III and his wife, Mary Anna Dover Craig, have spent the last few weeks carefully planning for their annual holiday visit to the Angus Barn. The 10.3 mile journey from their house in Five Points to the Barn of Angus can be treacherous, especially at this time of the year.

“The beltline was too busy to ford last year. That’s when we lost Little Davis….” Mary Anna said, her voice trailing off as she talked about their only child. Note: Little Davis did not die of dysentery, he just threw a tantrum so unbearable that his father fed him a Go-Gurt laced with Ambien to put him to sleep for the duration of the trip.

A trip of this magnitude requires a lot of planning. The family added AT&T Fiber to their 2018 Yukon from Thompson Buick GMC Cadillac.

“We had to make sure our WiFi would work because cell service can be spotty out there,” said Mary Anna. “I’m bringing my iPad so I can watch The Great British Bake Off on Netflix and do last minute shopping. Little Davis can watch Paw Patrol on his iPad, and Big Davis can just drive in silence.”

With their entertainment planned out, the family still had to prepare for the possibility of being stuck outside the beltline.

Their list of supplies resembled a modern day Oregon Trail inventory:

Extra batteries for charging iPhones, iPads, and MacBook Pros

20 lb bag of grain (non-GMO)

5 lb bag of flour

6 Broughton Tradition Scarves

6 dozen Ladyfingers ham rolls

8 down blankets

4 cases of wine from Seaboard Wine

2 Go-Gurts laced with Ambien

YETI 5-Gallon Bucket

YETI Hopper Two 20

YETI Tundra 75

YETI Tundra 350

4 iPads

3 Bear traps

The father, and party leader, thinks all this planning could have been avoided.

“I’m still a bit upset that White Memorial didn’t let William Needham Finley IV move Angus Barn inside the beltline as part of his summer mission trip in seventh grade,” said Craig III. “But I guess it’s good to use this as a way to teach our kid to appreciate what he has. Sometimes we’ll drive through random strip malls on the way home to remind Little Davis of how good he has it.”

After loading up the Yukon and getting ready to embark, the couple stopped to reflect on the risks associated with such a journey.

“You never know what can go wrong on the trail. But it’s worth it for the Chocolate Chess Pie and cheese and crackers,” said Craig III.

“And for the Instagram,” added Mary Anna.

“And for the…..for….the…” slurred Little Davis from the backseat, as he quietly slipped into a Go-Gurt Ambien induced coma.

Fortunately, Craig III is a doctor, the party is small, and their inventory is well stocked.


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