Update: There’s been some great feedback in the comments section below. The guy who created the original petition shared his thoughts and explains how he’ll pay for this. Shockingly, I think I agree with him.
We’ve all driven down Capital Boulevard and had that sinking feeling as we pass the line of cars trying to save 10 cents a gallon at the Hess gas station. After passing the ramp to the Wade Ave. 500 and the Light + Time Tower, you come upon the wide expanse of industrial buildings and begin to wonder why you’re only driving 35 miles per hour when you should be doing 60 through this stretch of desolation. No one likes this road. It’s just sad.
We assume this is why a petition to flood Raleigh’s Capital Boulevard in order to create a canal through downtown Raleigh is gaining traction. The proposed canal consists of a half-baked idea to divert Capital Boulevard traffic into an underground tunnel so that the street above can be flooded. This would create a “canal scape” through downtown Raleigh, giving us our “much needed downtown water feature”.
The petition has gained 912 supporters and resulted in comments such as, “It would be a fantastic draw to downtown” and “It would being much more tourism and give friends an alternative a to beat the heat.”
We completely agree with the idea of a canal through downtown Raleigh. We took it upon ourselves to come up with a rendering of a proposed downtown canal.
The canal will solve many of our city’s problems, while also providing us with endless opportunities. Camp Sea Gull and Seafarer kids will have a place to practice their sailing skills year-round. We’ll finally be able to take those Tahoe gondola rides at sunset that we’ve been dreaming about for decades. The WHHOOOOOOs from the Trolley Pub will be silenced. We didn’t have room to add the riverboat casino captained by Bonner Gaylord, but you get the idea.
A plan like this should cost roughly $2 billion. Since we don’t have $2 billion to spend on this, we began lobbying politicians on Twitter to gain support.
— William Needham Finley IV(It’s real. I made it up) (@WNFIV) February 5, 2016
As you can see, Raleigh thought leaders are already showing support for the downtown water feature.
— Bonner Gaylord (@BonnerGaylord) February 3, 2016
Rough estimates indicate that we’ll pay back the $2 billion in less than 600 years, while creating dozens of jobs. We envision a startup company that will allow you to order a Tahoe gondola from any mobile device. We’ve reached out to Mike Tomatosoup about pivoting on his Walk Your City idea. The potential for the downtown canal to leverage synergies that orchestrate on-demand cloud-based experiential innovation is unlimited.
We look forward to meme-ing this vision into reality. Mr. Gaylord, build this canal.
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