by William Needham Finley IV™

Webb Watch at The Masters 2018

in ITBNN by

Hello best friends, welcome to the 2018 edition of Webb Watch at The Masters. We’ll be covering Broughton alumnus, and 2012 U.S. Open winner, Webb Simpson as he plays in his seventh Masters tournament. Unfortunately, we don’t have a live camera on him like the baby owl, but we’ll do our best to provide up to the second coverage. We would have sent ITBlake the intern to cover this, but he’s not good at social media and he’s currently in Cuba. (More on that later, if he comes back alive.)

Before we get started, I’d like to discuss a recent controversy that arose on Instagram.


On Wednesday night I posted the following picture that I post before every big tournament that Webb plays in. He’s always getting a phone call, probably from Bonner trying to sell him Ray-Bans, and politely telling the caller that he will call them back because he has to go play in (insert tournament).

This morning, someone with nothing better to do with their life decided to chime in. They attempted to continue Webb’s conversation by saying: “I should be back home in Charlotte by noon on Saturday so let’s talk again then”. #GOHOKIES

Great joke, pal. (That’s a reference to when Webb joked “Enjoy the jail cell, pal” as his 2012 U.S. Open victory interview was interrupted by a Vince Vaughn look-alike who ran on the green to protest rainforest deforestation.)

To be clear, the implication in this Instagram comment is that Webb will not make the cut, thus making him available to talk on Saturday. I replied with “cool story, Hansel” a reference to the Oscar winning film Zoolander, and then went on with my day. The commenter then had the audacity to question my judgement because I went to Fyre Festival.

I have numerous issues with this interaction.

A.) If Webb missed the cut he wouldn’t be back in Charlotte on Saturday. He’d spend the rest of the weekend with friends and family in a cottage at the Masters eating $1.50 pimento cheese sandwiches.

2.) If you don’t like what I post, don’t follow me. My media empire is not a platform for your bad jokes or criticism. I’m fine with constructive criticism. For example, just this morning someone commented on this Dogs of ITB post and said the caption should have been “Raiders of the Lost Bark”. And they are totally right. I promise to do better in the future.

D.) Fyre Festival wasn’t cool. It was lit.

Earlier in my career I would have told this guy to go binge eat Tide Pods. But I can’t do that now or I’ll end up in the headlines. I have a baby owl and ITBlake (not my biological son) to think about and I can’t be that reckless. So the only thing I’ll say to this guy is, ITBless your heart. Now, on to the coverage.


Webb Watch: The Masters 2018

Webb tees off at 12:54 PM on Thursday. He’ll be playing with Charl Schwartzel and Yuxin Lin. Here are some quick Webb Watch stats from the 10 events he’s played in 2018:

47th in the FedEx Cup rankings

40th in the World Golf rankings

Eternally 1st in the ITB rankings

3 top 10 finishes

5 top 25 finishes

6th best scoring average

3rd best sand save percentage

9th in approaches from 50-125 yards

1st in final round performance

1st in late scoring average

Here are our current betting odds:

Webb 3/1

Tiger Woods 8/1

Everyone else 20/1

(All bets must be placed using ITBitcoin. Payouts not guaranteed.)

Stay tuned for more coverage throughout the day.

We also have some 2018 Masters facts from Wallet Hub because they e-mail me great #content that I can simply copy and paste. And they say journalism is dead.

Source: WalletHub

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