by William Needham Finley IV™

Whole Foods Car Crash Causes Panic at Ridgewood

in ITBNN by

A panic ensued after a car crashed into a Whole Foods grocery store on Wednesday morning. Residents inside the beltline experienced a roller coaster of emotions upon hearing the news, assuming that the only Whole Foods that existed was the one located at Ridgewood Shopping Center. The crash happened early in the morning at a Whole Foods in North Raleigh.

Nevertheless, Ridgewood shoppers were still rattled.

“Oh my gah, y’all, I was having flashbacks to when the Volvo drove up the steps at Hayes Barton and that time a car ran into Quail Ridge Books at Ridgewood. I just thought ‘Not again. Not Whole Foods’. We’ve been through enough,” said Anna Elizabeth Summers, as she loaded her reusable grocery bags full of non-GMO kale into her Yukon.

That time a car crashed into Quail Ridge

“Thank God this wasn’t our Whole Foods. Remember that time Oprah’s Stedman was sitting in the dining area? What if this had been him? What if we lost Oprah’s Stedman?!?!” cried her friend, Mary Ellen Anderson.

 Thank God we did not lose Oprah’s Stedman.

Some bystanders supported the driver’s right to crash into a building.

“In case you didn’t know, it’s International Women’s Day, so I stand with her right to drive her luxury sedan into a Whole Foods, or whatever she chooses. Sometimes you’ve got to break through a Whole Foods wall to break a glass ceiling,” said Gloria Harris, between sips of her Fair Trade Moroccan mint tea.

“I just hope they use recycled LEED-certified lumber from free range trees when they make the repairs. Anything else would be a slap in the face to the environment.”

Shopping at Ridgewood returned to normal by the afternoon, but the incident served as a reminder to not take Whole Foods for granted. Anna Elizabeth may have said it best,  “This could happen anywhere, y’all. Be sure to hold your Kombucha a little tighter tonight.”

If you or someone you know is suffering from crashing your car into large stationary structures or buildings, call Stacy Miller at Miller Law Group.

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