by William Needham Finley IV™

The Best Raleigh Christmas Parade Coverage Ever

in Humor/ITBNN by



Welcome to the first ever Raleigh Christmas parade coverage from ITB Insider™. As many of you know, Shop Local Raleigh puts on a fantastic Christmas parade in downtown Raleigh every year. This year, WRAL lost the broadcasting contract for the parade but decided to broadcast it anyway. That’s when I realized it was time for my growing media empire to provide coverage that everyone could ITBelieve in.

Knowing I needed the perfect spot to broadcast from, I reached out to my friends at Downtown Dental, who were more than happy to provide us with exclusive access and a front row seat. The goal of our broadcast wasn’t to outdo ABC11, who was the official broadcaster of the parade. I simply wanted to provide you all with a closer look at the ITB floats.

However, I knew that due to WRAL insisting on broadcasting the parade there was a chance some legal disputes could arise from me being there. So to avoid breaking any rules I sent ITBlake the intern to cover the parade for me, since interns can’t be prosecuted in media court. To make sure ITBlake got through his first live broadcast I brought in a co-host for him. I hired Jdog, a YouTube star from Raleigh who taught the Holderness Family everything they know, to show him the ropes.


We arrived at Downtown Dental on Fayetteville street around 9:30 am and tried to set up a live stream on Facebook. The signal kept dropping, possibly because Facebook or other media empires wanted to censor us. Or possibly due to tens of thousands of people clogging the cell towers while trying to upload pictures of the parade. We scrapped the live coverage and everything went exactly as planned, resulting in the best video that ITB Insider™ has ever produced.

Let’s take a closer look at the most ITB floats in this year’s parade. First up was the micITBit float, full of ITB moms who love to buy and sell smocked clothing, strollers, and literally anything else they think they can sell for $3. Two moms did their best job reenacting one of the biggest controversies in Buy/Sell/Trade group history, known simply as “the snow bib incident”.


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Up next was a Yukon from Thompson Cadillac, obvi, pulling a Tahoe, pulling a Suburban, pulling a float with Flash riding on the back playing his guitar and singing “When the Caps Go Marching In”.

Crowds cheered as Broughton legend and Hollywood Director Peyton Reed made an appearance on the float. He was in town filming a new movie based on Fyre Festival and Jurassic Park. The film is set in Dix Park, where dinosaur bones were recently discovered.



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Our friends from PBX® had the only float with zero percent body fat, a true testament to the PBX® method.

Next up was the Country Club Hills Mansion Fire float, a reminder to avoid having parties in mansions that are under construction.

Next came the Beacon Street Development float, which featured a lovely miniature version of their new project, The Wade. You may recall that I got ITBlake a condo here for his birthday.

A small child ran out into the parade when her parents became distracted from laughing hysterically at the performance being put on by ITBlake and Jdog. Fortunately, Stacy Miller jumped in front of a float and saved the child from certain death.


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No parade would be complete without Dogs of ITB. And there were a lot of them. ITBlake almost didn’t give this dog back to its owner.

The Trolley Pub showed up…

The day wrapped up with a huge highlight for ITBlake, who got to interview all three Stacy Millers at the same time.

Even though Facebook, and possibly other jealous media empires, tried to crush us by shutting down our live stream, the show went on. ITBlake and Jdog won the hearts and minds of everyone that day. They’re looking forward to next year, when they’ll have their own broadcasting float.

Seriously, ITBlake was more excited to see Stacy than Santa.



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